Criticism

  In my past art classes, I would often have to upload my most recent drawing/project onto a website that our whole class would look at and critique.  The whole group would see my drawing and give me feedback on how I could improve it.  Talk about pressure!  I wasn't the worst in class but I was pretty much the most inexperienced, and luckily at BYU people were a little too nice and I didn't have to deal with harsh negative comments.  But that would change as I progressed in the program.  Critiques would quickly change from soft and fluffy to sharp and concise.  Instead of, "I like the texture you used here.  It's nice," I got something more along the lines of, "Your composition is way off.  This tangent draws the focus away from what you are trying to communicate and well... given [this, that, the other], no matter how good anything else is, it's still going to look crappy.  You need to completely rework this."  Ouch.  I worked 12 hours on that 'crap' buddy. Thanks for nothing...

  As an artist, I learned really quick to have a thick skin.  To get better at art, you need to not only learn how to take criticism gracefully, but also how to listen to it, analyze it, and process it.  By processing, I mean you had to figure out if you should make changes based on it, spin it from the negative into something constructive, or to throw it out completely and forget about it.  All of that is important and a great way to handle any criticism I received in regards to my art.  This has become a great skill in handling criticism from other aspects of my life, too.  From weight and health to my political opinions, any criticism I receive is welcomed and processed just as I learned in my studies of art.  I process it just like everything else.  Sometimes I listen, sometimes I spin it, and sometimes I throw it out.  It gives me an opportunity to grow.  It still hurts sometimes because just like an ancient prophet said, "the guilty [takes] the truth to be hard."  And sometimes, I am just really guilty.

  I love the way I handle criticism.  I feel like it is one of my greatest strengths.  However, I forget that not everybody else appreciates criticism as much as I do or even knows how to handle it like I can.
  I recently had an experience where I thought I was posting a positive message and critique about a current issue in society.  I felt great about it and that I was supporting a good cause in my posting and critique of the situation.  Not soon after the posting, I received a quick back lashing from two great friends.  I had apparently offended them with my critique and, to keep a long story short, we were actually all on the same page, but because my critique was so sharp, it came across as negative and offensive.  To sum it up, I had described a social difficulty as a "female problem."  This could easily come across as placing blame rather than coming across as what I meant, which was "the solution starts with the individual woman."  Luckily a friend rushed to my aid and agreed with me but she used words like "the solution" and "empowering the individual."

  I thought a lot about this, not because I was put on the defensive, but it made me think a lot about my personal view.  In my training as an artist, I am always looking to improve.  I don't like beating around the bush and I like clear, concise critique.  Usually an honest and concise critique comes across as brutal and negative, but I realized that to be effective, criticism doesn't have to be negative.  And even more importantly, this topic moves into the personal with the realization that if I critique others sharply and negatively, and if I am my own greatest critic, than how is my attitude affecting my own improvement.

  As individuals, we welcome and revel in validation.  Whether it comes from a stranger or our mother, it always feels good.  But one thing I never do is validate myself.  I almost always default to a critique; a sharp, negative analysis of myself.  This is where the epiphany happened.  For criticism to be effective, it doesn't have to be negative.  A self critique can do a lot more for an individual when it is communicated in a positive manner rather than a brutal one.  I need to make my criticisms of myself more positive.

  I often tell my wife when she vocalizes a negative criticism about herself, "Hey! Stop beating up on my best friend!"  It's become kind of a joke, but it holds a lot of weight.  I would punch a guy in the face if he voiced some of the things my wife says about herself, and she would give a tongue lashing (she is spitfire, and I love it) to any one who said half the stuff I say out loud about myself!

  We need to be more positive with ourselves and others.  In our constant quest for perfection and betterment, we need to build ourselves up, not down.  We need to look at the world in every aspect in a more positive light.  My negativity is a huge stumbling block, and I didn't realize that it was that way until I looked back and realized how negative I was being even when I was trying to be positive.

  Uhg...  I hope you can follow what I am trying to say here but essentially it boils down to this--  Criticism is awesome.  It helps us identify our weaknesses so we can become better people.  But we need to approach criticism in a more positive way.  When we receive criticism, we need to process it in the positive.  When we give it, we need to be positive.  When we look at ourselves, we need to not beat up on ourselves.  You wouldn't tolerate someone beating up your best friend, so why would you tolerate you beating up on yourself?

  Criticism is a wonderful tool, let us wield it like a hammer instead of a sword.  Let's build things up and make them stronger, rather than cut them down and hope they heal.
 

Being a Follower

  

  Being great is all about perception these days. All it takes is a fancy picture on social media these days and suddenly, you are a rock star among your friends and family, as well as the ambiguous 'follower.'  I hate that word.  I think it explains a lot of what is wrong with my mentality toward how I live my life. I don't want to be a follower. I want to be a leader.

  I don't like following people.  On instagram, on facebook, whatever it is, following denotes an almost form of worship if it's for the wrong purposes.  Following becomes a double edged sword and depending on which way you swing, you could be hurting yourself.  If you look at the browse section of instagram or the news feed or your twitter feed, you could come across a family member who posted a picture of their _____ (trip, child, furniture, artwork, etc.) "Wow!" you might say, but then you look at the ______ and follow your thought up with an "ohhh... one day I want to ______ (take a trip, dress my child, make something, etc.) just like that."

  A more specific example is following random designers on intsagram.  I do it all the time.  I love design and aesthetics. But too often instead of looking at other people's designs and using it as a springboard for my own work, I think to myself, "Dang, I will never be that good."

  Do you see where I am going with this?  You can be inspired by following or you can be torn down and enslaved by it.  It's not the posters fault but your own perception.

  This has too often been a pattern in my own life.  I trained as a 3D artist at Brigham Young University, and while there, I was in a mode of constant comparison of my work to others.  I would try to gauge where I was compared to the rest of the class and as long as I wasn't the worst, I was happy.  I was a follower.  My work was uninteresting.  I never had much that I wanted to display, or show off, and it's because I only ever did assignments.  I only did the minimum to be just above what everyone else considered mediocre.  And the horrible truth is that a notch above mediocre is still mediocre.  Mediocre doesn't get you anywhere.

  In our world today, it is really easy to feel and be mediocre. Especially with social media. It is easy to look at your news feed and feel inadequate.  With so many people taking trips to far off places, and getting into masters programs, and starting their own businesses, it seems that I got lost somewhere in the mix, and that on the street where everyone is headed to success, I just keep bumping shoulders with amazing people, and I just don't get anywhere.  I have a great view of other's success but I am still on the street with a lot of other people who can't seem to move.

  Yeesh.  That is a terrible, depressing image.  I don't know about you but for some reason, in that little vision I just dictated for you, I am surrounded by gray.  The sky is gray, the buildings are gray, my clothes are gray, and everyone else seems to be on the move to blue skies and flashing lights.  But the even bigger problem is that in this vision, I am not looking at the skies or the lights, or whatever might symbolize success.  I am looking at the people who are passing me by and I am wishing I was going where they were.  And that is the worst thing you can do.  That's what our culture of following has created.  A herd of sheep.  A herd of watchers and not doers.

  The problem lies in the fact that we are looking at others.  We are in a state of constant comparison, and we look at the individual, rather than having our sights set on the destination.  If we were only looking at where they were going, we might be able to do more than wish that we were them, on the move and going places.  If we first looked at them, then looked at where they were going, we could ask ourselves, "Do I want to go there?"  We could finally look up and see all the places that we could go, and all the things we could do.  And we could use those individuals as inspiration rather than anchors.

  I don't want to be the kind of follower that mourns over others success.  I don't to be the kind of follower who see's another succeed and thinks that because they can, I can't.  Because I can!  Who cares if they did it first, I like their destination.  IF it's one thing I have learned from my wife in the short 3 months we have been married, it's that there doesn't have to be one winner and one loser.  There can be two winners. Life is awesome that way. In fact, life is awesome because it isn't even a contest, but when we display ourselves in lists and feeds, complimented by fancy photographs with cool filters, we create this false dichotomy of competition where there is only one who can win at this game of life.  But that just isn't true.

  Be great. Be a winner.  Be a leader.  With all this talk of following, lets get to the good stuff.  Being a leader is easy, and every leader starts as a follower.  It's when you find a destination that you want to get to, that's when you stop following and lead the way to your goal.  You will carve a whole new path to that place, and you will be the inspiration for others to get there.  Shake off the chains that bind you to this horrible world of comparison and stand out.  Take what you like from others and create something new.  Be the leader of your own life, rather than getting swallowed up in the following.

  So next time you open your instagram, or browse facebook, or look at twitter, just remember that you are looking at inspiration, not a scoreboard.  You are a leader.  It doesn't matter who you are.  You lead yourself out of bed every morning to the sink to brush your teeth.  You lead yourself to work and to school.  you lead yourself places every day.  You are already a leader.  So stop following others and thinking that somehow you led yourself to loss.  You aren't a loser.  Because in this game of life, the only way to lose is to give up.  Just because someone became a doctor before you did doesn't make you the loser, it makes you a leader.  It means that you got there on your own path and that you are bringing a whole new life of experience to the table.  You are bringing something new and something fresh.  And if you are saying to yourself that you can't right now, then read this little message of mine one more time.  Simply by being you, you are bringing something totally original to wherever you are headed.  Whether it is art, science, business, whatever, you are an original.  It's ok to be a follower, but don't do it for very long. You are a leader.  And when you lead yourself to your destination, everybody wins and the world becomes just a little bit better than it was before.