I want to be a Warrior

  

  Lately, I have been passing the time by watching TV with my wife.  It's not all we do, but I am pretty sure our favorite thing to do is snuggle and laugh and just watch a show together.  Now that she has finals approaching and projects due, I have to force her sometimes into the back room so that she will paint.  The problem is, in order to not become a distraction, I have to keep myself preoccupied.  So what have I been doing to stay out of her way?  Playing video games.

  Blehg...  Video games.  As you can tell, I have a love-hate relationship with these amazing pieces of work.  I love the art, story, design, and not to mention the play-ability of video games.  At one point, I convinced myself that I wanted to make them for a living.  In fact, I still do sometimes.  I don't think that will ever go away, but I realized it wasn't for me.  I want to be so much more than a producer of a luxurious pastime.

  I have been intrigued lately with the idea of "the Warrior."  In video games, the hero is usually a warrior of some kind (think ninja's and knights or superheroes.)  Well, instead of making warriors, I have been compelled by the idea to become one instead.  Not just any warrior though.  Specifically the one in my head;  The ideal warrior that I have totally made up from my years and years of playing video games, watching shows, and reading books.  Let me tell you about this guy...

  A true warrior is several things, but he would follow a creed or code if you will.  After many hours of thinking on the train and on my morning walks to work, the following are what I have concluded to be the attributes of that code.

1. Courage

2. Honour

3. Physical Strength

4. Wisdom

5. Spirituality

6. Endurance

  Sure a list is great but what does it all mean?  Indulge me a minute.

 Courage

  A warrior must first have courage because without it, the first step on the path to anywhere would never be taken and thus the other attributes would never be of any worth.  What is wisdom without the courage to speak it?  What is Honour without the courage to uphold it?  What is Spirituality without the courage to stand alone in it?  You get my point I hope.  Courage is the key to making everything else active and usable in our lives.

  Honour

  Not Honor.  Honour.  I have been immersed in samurai culture and the way of Bushido for the past few weeks as I have read Shogun, and watched movies like 47 Ronin and The Last Samurai.  While all are works of fiction, and though feudal Japan is definitely far from the ideal society, the one thing that makes these stories so intriguing is the emphasis on honour.  Keeping your word, loyalty to family and friends, sticking up for the weak, treating others with respect; these are all honourable things we can do for ourselves and for others.  A true warrior would make sure that his word was his bond.  He would fight for what he thought was right, and would be willing to admit when he was wrong.  Most importantly, I think the ideal warrior would keep the promises he makes to himself.

  Physical Strength

  A warrior is a force to be reckoned with.  He is an athlete, with strength to spare so that he can pick up the slack where others fall short--not just when it comes to heavy lifting, but when it comes to long days at the office, late nights with the offspring, or even more important, carrying a sick wife from the couch to the bed.  He is a fighter who can defend his family from the surrounding wolves, all without breaking a sweat.  He is strong so that others don't have to be.  He is strong so he can lift and build up others.

  Wisdom

  A warrior is wise.  He never foolhardily runs into battle, or rattles off his toung in judgement where none is warranted, or speaks without deciding exactly on the words that come out of his mouth.  He manages his house with patience.  He acts decisively, with little spontaneity.  He is reliable and always seems to have the right answer.  A true warrior knows when to fight and when to stay silent.  He acts with precision.  He acts with purpose, and he wastes very little.  In a world and society that seems to value a life without responsibility or restraint, a warrior understands that these things will bring joy, accomplishment, and peace. 

  Spirituality

  God, the spirit, nature.  Reverence.  A warrior understands that the world is shaped by a power greater than his.  Whatever that power may be, it deserves his respect and honour.  A warrior knows that he has something to gain by pursuing and nourishing the metaphysical.  It provides purpose, resolve, and feeds life to all the other attributes.  It provides him with an inner strength that cannot be obtained with nutrition and exercise.  He knows that spirituality provides him with peace even though the rain beats upon his face.

  Endurance

  The warrior never quits.  He knows that he can do hard things.  He understands that he will have failures riddle his confidence and resolve, but that the only true failure would be to never get back up, to never keep going.  I love the scene in The Last Samurai when Algren (Tom Cruise) is first taken captive by the samurai and while casually walking through the village, he engages in a dual with a child with stick swords.  Though he only plays with the child, a samurai steps in to up the ante.  His skill is obviously lacking, and he is continually pummeled until he falls to the ground.  It is quick and sharp and hard.  It hurts.  But he gets back up and puts his stick at the ready.  He is quickly subdued a second time and this time finds himself on the ground again, his welts inflamed, his face bloodied and the pain excruciating.  He gets up again.  And again.  Until his body simply won't allow him to move.  Though he is less skilled, wounded, and sure to lose, he continues to fight until his body fails him.  But his will is strong and he never quits.  Mind over matter. 

  Endurance is the knot that ties all the attributes nicely together.  Though courage allows us to take the first step, endurance allows us to take the last.  It gets us to where we want to be.  A true warrior never quits.

  I want to be a true warrior.  I don't want to play one in a video game anymore.  I don't want to pretend anymore.  And so I will start with courage.  Courage to finally pursue what I have always wanted to be.  It's a hard road.  One fraught with danger, problems, and conquests.  But all I need to do is take that first step...

Criticism

  In my past art classes, I would often have to upload my most recent drawing/project onto a website that our whole class would look at and critique.  The whole group would see my drawing and give me feedback on how I could improve it.  Talk about pressure!  I wasn't the worst in class but I was pretty much the most inexperienced, and luckily at BYU people were a little too nice and I didn't have to deal with harsh negative comments.  But that would change as I progressed in the program.  Critiques would quickly change from soft and fluffy to sharp and concise.  Instead of, "I like the texture you used here.  It's nice," I got something more along the lines of, "Your composition is way off.  This tangent draws the focus away from what you are trying to communicate and well... given [this, that, the other], no matter how good anything else is, it's still going to look crappy.  You need to completely rework this."  Ouch.  I worked 12 hours on that 'crap' buddy. Thanks for nothing...

  As an artist, I learned really quick to have a thick skin.  To get better at art, you need to not only learn how to take criticism gracefully, but also how to listen to it, analyze it, and process it.  By processing, I mean you had to figure out if you should make changes based on it, spin it from the negative into something constructive, or to throw it out completely and forget about it.  All of that is important and a great way to handle any criticism I received in regards to my art.  This has become a great skill in handling criticism from other aspects of my life, too.  From weight and health to my political opinions, any criticism I receive is welcomed and processed just as I learned in my studies of art.  I process it just like everything else.  Sometimes I listen, sometimes I spin it, and sometimes I throw it out.  It gives me an opportunity to grow.  It still hurts sometimes because just like an ancient prophet said, "the guilty [takes] the truth to be hard."  And sometimes, I am just really guilty.

  I love the way I handle criticism.  I feel like it is one of my greatest strengths.  However, I forget that not everybody else appreciates criticism as much as I do or even knows how to handle it like I can.
  I recently had an experience where I thought I was posting a positive message and critique about a current issue in society.  I felt great about it and that I was supporting a good cause in my posting and critique of the situation.  Not soon after the posting, I received a quick back lashing from two great friends.  I had apparently offended them with my critique and, to keep a long story short, we were actually all on the same page, but because my critique was so sharp, it came across as negative and offensive.  To sum it up, I had described a social difficulty as a "female problem."  This could easily come across as placing blame rather than coming across as what I meant, which was "the solution starts with the individual woman."  Luckily a friend rushed to my aid and agreed with me but she used words like "the solution" and "empowering the individual."

  I thought a lot about this, not because I was put on the defensive, but it made me think a lot about my personal view.  In my training as an artist, I am always looking to improve.  I don't like beating around the bush and I like clear, concise critique.  Usually an honest and concise critique comes across as brutal and negative, but I realized that to be effective, criticism doesn't have to be negative.  And even more importantly, this topic moves into the personal with the realization that if I critique others sharply and negatively, and if I am my own greatest critic, than how is my attitude affecting my own improvement.

  As individuals, we welcome and revel in validation.  Whether it comes from a stranger or our mother, it always feels good.  But one thing I never do is validate myself.  I almost always default to a critique; a sharp, negative analysis of myself.  This is where the epiphany happened.  For criticism to be effective, it doesn't have to be negative.  A self critique can do a lot more for an individual when it is communicated in a positive manner rather than a brutal one.  I need to make my criticisms of myself more positive.

  I often tell my wife when she vocalizes a negative criticism about herself, "Hey! Stop beating up on my best friend!"  It's become kind of a joke, but it holds a lot of weight.  I would punch a guy in the face if he voiced some of the things my wife says about herself, and she would give a tongue lashing (she is spitfire, and I love it) to any one who said half the stuff I say out loud about myself!

  We need to be more positive with ourselves and others.  In our constant quest for perfection and betterment, we need to build ourselves up, not down.  We need to look at the world in every aspect in a more positive light.  My negativity is a huge stumbling block, and I didn't realize that it was that way until I looked back and realized how negative I was being even when I was trying to be positive.

  Uhg...  I hope you can follow what I am trying to say here but essentially it boils down to this--  Criticism is awesome.  It helps us identify our weaknesses so we can become better people.  But we need to approach criticism in a more positive way.  When we receive criticism, we need to process it in the positive.  When we give it, we need to be positive.  When we look at ourselves, we need to not beat up on ourselves.  You wouldn't tolerate someone beating up your best friend, so why would you tolerate you beating up on yourself?

  Criticism is a wonderful tool, let us wield it like a hammer instead of a sword.  Let's build things up and make them stronger, rather than cut them down and hope they heal.
 

Being a Follower

  

  Being great is all about perception these days. All it takes is a fancy picture on social media these days and suddenly, you are a rock star among your friends and family, as well as the ambiguous 'follower.'  I hate that word.  I think it explains a lot of what is wrong with my mentality toward how I live my life. I don't want to be a follower. I want to be a leader.

  I don't like following people.  On instagram, on facebook, whatever it is, following denotes an almost form of worship if it's for the wrong purposes.  Following becomes a double edged sword and depending on which way you swing, you could be hurting yourself.  If you look at the browse section of instagram or the news feed or your twitter feed, you could come across a family member who posted a picture of their _____ (trip, child, furniture, artwork, etc.) "Wow!" you might say, but then you look at the ______ and follow your thought up with an "ohhh... one day I want to ______ (take a trip, dress my child, make something, etc.) just like that."

  A more specific example is following random designers on intsagram.  I do it all the time.  I love design and aesthetics. But too often instead of looking at other people's designs and using it as a springboard for my own work, I think to myself, "Dang, I will never be that good."

  Do you see where I am going with this?  You can be inspired by following or you can be torn down and enslaved by it.  It's not the posters fault but your own perception.

  This has too often been a pattern in my own life.  I trained as a 3D artist at Brigham Young University, and while there, I was in a mode of constant comparison of my work to others.  I would try to gauge where I was compared to the rest of the class and as long as I wasn't the worst, I was happy.  I was a follower.  My work was uninteresting.  I never had much that I wanted to display, or show off, and it's because I only ever did assignments.  I only did the minimum to be just above what everyone else considered mediocre.  And the horrible truth is that a notch above mediocre is still mediocre.  Mediocre doesn't get you anywhere.

  In our world today, it is really easy to feel and be mediocre. Especially with social media. It is easy to look at your news feed and feel inadequate.  With so many people taking trips to far off places, and getting into masters programs, and starting their own businesses, it seems that I got lost somewhere in the mix, and that on the street where everyone is headed to success, I just keep bumping shoulders with amazing people, and I just don't get anywhere.  I have a great view of other's success but I am still on the street with a lot of other people who can't seem to move.

  Yeesh.  That is a terrible, depressing image.  I don't know about you but for some reason, in that little vision I just dictated for you, I am surrounded by gray.  The sky is gray, the buildings are gray, my clothes are gray, and everyone else seems to be on the move to blue skies and flashing lights.  But the even bigger problem is that in this vision, I am not looking at the skies or the lights, or whatever might symbolize success.  I am looking at the people who are passing me by and I am wishing I was going where they were.  And that is the worst thing you can do.  That's what our culture of following has created.  A herd of sheep.  A herd of watchers and not doers.

  The problem lies in the fact that we are looking at others.  We are in a state of constant comparison, and we look at the individual, rather than having our sights set on the destination.  If we were only looking at where they were going, we might be able to do more than wish that we were them, on the move and going places.  If we first looked at them, then looked at where they were going, we could ask ourselves, "Do I want to go there?"  We could finally look up and see all the places that we could go, and all the things we could do.  And we could use those individuals as inspiration rather than anchors.

  I don't want to be the kind of follower that mourns over others success.  I don't to be the kind of follower who see's another succeed and thinks that because they can, I can't.  Because I can!  Who cares if they did it first, I like their destination.  IF it's one thing I have learned from my wife in the short 3 months we have been married, it's that there doesn't have to be one winner and one loser.  There can be two winners. Life is awesome that way. In fact, life is awesome because it isn't even a contest, but when we display ourselves in lists and feeds, complimented by fancy photographs with cool filters, we create this false dichotomy of competition where there is only one who can win at this game of life.  But that just isn't true.

  Be great. Be a winner.  Be a leader.  With all this talk of following, lets get to the good stuff.  Being a leader is easy, and every leader starts as a follower.  It's when you find a destination that you want to get to, that's when you stop following and lead the way to your goal.  You will carve a whole new path to that place, and you will be the inspiration for others to get there.  Shake off the chains that bind you to this horrible world of comparison and stand out.  Take what you like from others and create something new.  Be the leader of your own life, rather than getting swallowed up in the following.

  So next time you open your instagram, or browse facebook, or look at twitter, just remember that you are looking at inspiration, not a scoreboard.  You are a leader.  It doesn't matter who you are.  You lead yourself out of bed every morning to the sink to brush your teeth.  You lead yourself to work and to school.  you lead yourself places every day.  You are already a leader.  So stop following others and thinking that somehow you led yourself to loss.  You aren't a loser.  Because in this game of life, the only way to lose is to give up.  Just because someone became a doctor before you did doesn't make you the loser, it makes you a leader.  It means that you got there on your own path and that you are bringing a whole new life of experience to the table.  You are bringing something new and something fresh.  And if you are saying to yourself that you can't right now, then read this little message of mine one more time.  Simply by being you, you are bringing something totally original to wherever you are headed.  Whether it is art, science, business, whatever, you are an original.  It's ok to be a follower, but don't do it for very long. You are a leader.  And when you lead yourself to your destination, everybody wins and the world becomes just a little bit better than it was before.

Life's Greatest Obstacle

  I recently got married, and I can say that it is single-handedly the best decision I have ever made.  I cannot believe how amazing life has become in such a short time.  Someone told me a few weeks before the wedding that marriage seems to fix everything and that big problems I may have had would seem to disappear.  "It won't solve all your problems, and it may create some new ones, but it fixes a lot them too."  I trusted what he said and I can tell you first hand, it's definitely true.  A lot of my struggles and insecurities and loneliness seemed to melt away, and I am sure there is definitely work involved in keeping it that way but for now, I am just going to enjoy the ride of newly-wedded bliss.

  Marriage has taught me something even more significant though.  Through the greatest two months of my life, I have found the key to forever wisdom and happiness!  I have discovered life's GREATEST obstacle.  But more on that later.  First, I want to confess something.

  I want to be better.  Tomorrow I want to be better than I was today.  In a year, I want to be awesome.  And in 5 years?  I want to freakin' be translated and sitting next to Jesus on a celestial bench parked somewhere in the Horse Head Nebula talking about how the stars are actually celestial scripture, orbiting around one great truth, while at the very same time, expanding upon that truth, and if we wanted to know it, all we had to do was look right there.  This is the part where he points to an ambiguous part of space and my mind explodes with knowledge.  That would be cool, huh?

  But seriously.  5 years... I could do it right?  Probably not.  But isn't it that belief that seals the fate of my potential?  They are just simple words right?  Probably not.  Words like that come easily and effortlessly and in lots of disguises; I don't know, Yeah, right, I doubt it,  Like that will ever happen, If only.  The list goes on and on.  Sometime these little dandies can even sound positive; One day! I sure hope so!  And my personal favorite: Maybe.  That one is often followed by a sigh.
  So getting back to the topic, what is life's greatest obstacle?  What is this giant profound truth that I finally realized after getting married?  Well let me tell you.

It's me.

  What's that you say?  I'm not an obstacle?  I am a great guy with a lot to offer and I don't bring anyone down?  Well, I try.  But let me clarify.  Life's greatest obstacle is our self.  If it's one thing that I have noticed in my many many years of meeting and knowing great and not so great people, it's that the difference between success and failure is attitude.

  "Oh great.  Here's the self help bit.  Here comes the preaching."  But in truth, my own father has expressed to me many times his own grief that he feels for never realizing his potential.  He thinks that if he had only watched less TV, or finished college earlier, or simply not accepted the comfort and mediocrity of his job, he could have been more, and accomplished more.  He could have left more for his kids, and had a greater influence in his church and in his service to others.  I love my father, and I think that he has lived a wonderful life so far, but I would hate his wisdom to go unused.

  As an animation student at BYU, I associated with some amazingly driven people.  One man I knew was offered a job at Microsoft while he was a sophomore, turned it down, went to Dreamworks when he graduated, created his own iPhone game, and has now recently built a full on skate rink and TV stage in his backyard for a video series he is doing for young men that emphasizes living Honor.  He is only 30.
  Another example is my close friend who talked me in to starting a business one year and although I bailed after a hard and very demanding summer to return to school, he carried it on to make it profitable.  I have known him for a long time.  In high school, I wouldn't have described him as the smartest kid in school, but he was popular and well liked and he worked hard at whatever he did.  In the same amount of time that I spent in school, he went to the same school, finished his Bachelors, got his MBA and MIT from another school, and now teaches a class at that college and holds a very high position in a large corporation.  He continually talks to me about business ideas and the man is just fearless.  And a loyal friend.
  The difference I see between these two examples and my dad and I is this; It's the way they handle the word "maybe."

  When I say that word "maybe," it is full of doubt, uncertainty, and causes me to procrastinate.  When I procrastinate, I substitute the great possibilities for something more shallow, and immediate.  This "maybe" suddenly becomes a detour sign and often just leads to another detour sign, and then another and another, until pretty soon, enough time and enough distance has been put between me and the great possibility that I no longer think 'maybe.'  The maybe gets replaced by 'what if's' and 'should have's.'

  The human creature is beautiful.  We have so much potential.  We wish, and we yearn, and we crave, but too often we allow ourselves to be the obstacle that blocks us from those desires.  We need to be better.  We need to work hard, and we need to work now.  I need to work hard.  I need to work now.
  Life doesn't wait around for us to succeed.  Life brings opportunity, but it's usually fleeting opportunity and it's usually impossible to play catch up.

  I'll wrap it up here but now you know what this blog is all about.  It's about us.  It's about you, and me, and it's about how we can overcome our greatest obstacle.  Ourselves.  So read if you like, leave a comment, or troll me for all I care.  But here I am, and here is where I am going to continue to explore my greatest obstacle.  Me.

Stay tuned and thanks for reading.

Note:
  It's been a long time since I have written.  I have missed it.  So here I am, returning to a passive hobby of mine.

  I am not going to advertise this one like the last one.  So if you find it, and are reading this now, consider yourself lucky, or unlucky.  You get options because I am cool like that.  If you want to read my old stuff, click here.